i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
