I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize