Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
