There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
