Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
