She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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