if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
