Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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