Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
