Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
