I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
