We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize