Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
