thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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