He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
