I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
