I think I died a long time ago.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
