You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
porn star boner night. come get it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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