my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
