all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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