i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
