I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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