Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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