I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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