Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
People in love make me want to vomit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
