fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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