why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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