Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
