after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
