Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
