How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
