One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Terrible idea I love it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
