omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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