Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
