he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dicks are not precious.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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