when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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