Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
