I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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