hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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