The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
