Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
