im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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