no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
