I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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