we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
