HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you.
Bad choice
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
