What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
