i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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