Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
