i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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