New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
