Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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