she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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