WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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