Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
