i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
