I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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