I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michael Bay diarrhea
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize