So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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