it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
