i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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