Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
